Guest Post by J: Thoughts on Conservatives, Sad Choices, Lady Parts

“So I read women prefer a conservative man in bed,” C said.

“Where the hell did you read that shit?” I said.  

“Let me guess, it was on Breitbart or something.”

“Umm, yeah.  I read it online at the Daily Mail.  It quoted stats from some millionaire survey.  Apparently rich women love conservative men, because we’re more masculine.  We instinctively understand how to take control in the bedroom,” C said.

C was wearing his red Trump shirt with the message, “Make America Great Again.”  He shifted anxiously in frat boots.

“C, have you seriously forgotten our last several interactions?” I said.“Well, you know, all that role play was really more for you than for me,” C said.  

“Plus, I really didn’t want to be Tyrion.  You just wouldn’t let me be Khal Drago.”“You act like Khal Drago is your spirit animal.  Wait.  Is that why you grew the man bun? OMG, I totally get it now,” I said.

“By the way, Khal would for sure be a Republican,” C said. 

“Just so you know, Republican men have got to be the worst in bed.  They have way too many sexual hang ups, and they’re totally fixated on their own dicks.  Seriously, think about it.  Who do you honestly believe would be better in bed, Newt Gingrich or Bill Clinton? Ted Cruz or Cory Booker? Clarence Thomas or Justin Trudeau?  Plus, Republicans are scared to death when it comes to lady parts,” I said.  “That’s why they’re always trying to regulate them.”

“How can you even say that,” C said.  “This is totally not going in the direction I planned.”“What?  Did you think I’d agree with you and say something like, ‘bend me over, Republican daddy,’” I said. “Umm, yeah.  That would have been awesome,” C said.

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